I'm drive I can fine osifer
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
