I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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