Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
