I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
