Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
