Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
