I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
