i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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