I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
