I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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