If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
