So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
