Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
