Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
