dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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