sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
