Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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