Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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