she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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