Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
