u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish I only lived at night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
