So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
