Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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