dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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