I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
