I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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