I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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