I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
