LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
