I met the friendliest cop last night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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