My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
