i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
