I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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