do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
