Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
