I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
