cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
