If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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