Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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