He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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