ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
