Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
