I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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