My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
