Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
