Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
