im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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