Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
