i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
