I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
