There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
