Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
