it wasn't lemon gatorade
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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