Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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