Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
