Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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