Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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